A True Classic



JAKE and his friends are all sitting in the front porch of his home, enjoying the day.  Everyone looks happy and entitled as they enjoy the nice weather.

JAKE:  Hey, I’ve got an idea.  Why don’t we go for a cruise in my new car?

FRIEND 1:  What?  I didn’t know you made a decision.  What kind did you end up getting?

JAKE:  I got the red Camaro.

FRIEND 2:  Sweet.

FRIEND 3:  Is brand-new or a classic?

JAKE:  It’s a mint, 1970 work of art.

FRIEND3:  Oh man, that’s awesome!

JAKE:  You got that right.

Jake gets up.

JAKE:  (CONT’D) Come on, let’s go check it out.


Jake and his friends all gather out in the garage.  In the middle is a mint 1970 Camaro, which all of them crowd around.

FRIEND1:  Awesome!

FRIEND2:  Yeah, this is a beauty.

JAKE:  That she is.

FRIEND3:  Well?  Are we just going to stare at or take out for a drive?

FRIEND1:  Yeah, let’s get going.  I wanna hear this thing roar!

JAKE:  Alright, Take your seats.

Everyone piles into the car, Jake taking the driving the driver’s seat.   He puts the key in the ignition and starts the engine.  The engine roars and everyone cheers.

Jake puts his belt on a presses the button for the garage door.

JAKE:  Okay, it’s go time.

The door opens and Jake hits the gas, propelling the car forward out of the garage.  Everyone shouts in excitement as the car accelerates.


The group of friends are loving the car, constantly cheering when Jake hits the gas again.

They make a sharp turn. the car goes over a large pothole, causing the whole car to bounce sharply. 

As the car makes another turn, Friend2 hears something.

FRIEND2:  (To Jake) Dude, do you hear that?

JAKE:  Hear what?

FRIEND2:  I swear I hear something bouncy around in the rear.

FRIEND1:  Yeah, I hear it too.

JAKE:  Really?  Aw, man.

Jake pulls into the parking lot of a closed down gas station.  All the friends get out and inspect the car.

JAKE:  Does anyone see anything yet?

FRIEND2:  Not yet.  Come look with me.  Like I said, it seemed to come from the rear.

Jake joins Friend2 near the Camaro’s rear.

JAKE:  Do you still hear it?

FRIEND2: Kind of. It actually seems to be coming from the trunk.

JAKE:  What?

FRIEND2:  What did the dealer tell you about this car?

JAKE:  He said there was nothing wrong with it.  I’m going to be ticked if he lied.

Friend1 and Friend2 join both of them at the rear.

FRIEND1:  Maybe something just got loose when you hit that pothole.  What do you keep in the truck?

JAKE:  I don’t keep anything in it.  I haven’t even used it yet.

FRIEND3:  Well open it.  Let’s see what’s making that noise if you don’t know.

JAKE:  Yeah.  Hang on.

Jake walks around to the front of the car.  He pulls the switch for the trunk, and the lid pops open slightly. 

Jake walks back to the rear.  He opens the trunk, and all the friends are overcome with looks of horror.

Lying in Jake’s trunk is a sleeping, naked hobo.

The HOBO wakes up, clearly hungover.

HOBO:  (dazed) Wuh, huh?  Who are you?

The Hobo regains his sense more, and is now angry.

HOBO:  What do you want?  Get out of my house, you little punks!

The Hobo tries to get up and take a swing at Jake, but loses balance and falls and hangs over the rear bumper.

Jake and his friends scream in terror and run away, leaving the car with the Hobo.

The Hobo begins to fall back to sleep.

HOBO: (sleepy) Lousy sons of… zzz…



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