Making Memories

Do you have trouble putting up with your kids?  Do you wish you never buckled under your mother's and your spouse's mother's overbearing desires to have grandchildren?  Are you dreading the inevitable summer vacation you'll have to endure, with eight hour car rides consisting of screaming, fighting and vomiting?  Well, I have the solution for all your troubles: summer camp.

For decades, sleep away camps have offered parents the salvation they desire.  Like for many legally-obligated gaurdians before you, camps have protected the sanctity of an adults vacation, and their sanity.  I strongly urge you to consider sending your kids away this year.  Not just for peace and quiet, but for your mental health.  I mean, what good are to your kids if you wind up in an asylum?  Please, think of the children, and get them out of the house.

Perhaps you're concerned with how much fun you'll kids will have at a summer camp.  I'm not really sure why you would care, but I guess I'll give easing your conscious a shot.

Summer camps offer kids the chance to gain life the experiences they would otherwise never even knew existed.  A good camp will teach them the importance of working together when a camp counselor takes his frustrations out on them, the thrill of swimming in a stagnant swamp and not becoming septic, and the importance of learning self-defense when a fellow camper tries to beat them to death for eating all the food.  You see?  Camps excite and prepare your kids for the various highs and countless lows they will experience throughout their lives.  Don't deny your children the opportunity to grow.  This is your chance to prove you love them.  I'm just saying.

Don't wait, start your search for the right camp today.  Heck, you can even send them to a military school, I don't care.  Just send those little monsters somewhere far enough away to avoid three months of migraines.

Also, make sure you don't let them know about these summer plans.  Seriously, do not tell them.  It will, uh, spoil the surprise.


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